Staying Wedding Tradition From AJC 2003
By RENNIE SLOAN
For The Journal-Constitution
Fifteen years and four kids ago, Cynthia
Sabag was single and looking. But not just for
anyone. She wanted someone who would
share her Jewish faith. And she had
experienced her fill of guys whose main
interests were partying and football.
A friend prominent in the Jewish community
invited Sa bag to a dinner attended by Jewish
singles. There, she met Ruvin Sabag. They
dated for a week, became engaged and were
married three months later. Today they run a
business together in downtown Atlanta and
have adopted one child and given birth to
three others.
The match was successful despite — or
maybe because of — cultural differences,
Cynthia said.
“I’m Eastern European, and he’s Middle
Eastern, so there were differences in our
ethnic upbringing,” she said. “But I needed
someone who was not the traditional
American – wanting to drink all the time and
save Saturdays for football. Ruvin is very
soft-spoken and gentlemanly.”
Sabag’s experience reflects the continued
interest in the time-honored practice of
matchmaking. Whether through informal
introductions, such as the Sabags’, or more
official alignments, matchmaking remains
active in some ethnic or religious
communities, the Jewish and Indian
communities in particular.
The reasons are clear, say those involved.
Finding a suitable match can be a daunting
task for any single. Doubters need only tune
into “Dr. Phil” or “Oprah” to hear tales of woe.
Today, the unattached troll Web sites, place
ads post photos and sign up for reality shows
such as “The Bachelor” or “Meet the
Parents.”
Those seeking a mate with similar ethnic or
religious backgrounds face additional
challenges: a smaller pool from which to
choose and the likelihood of scattered
relatives, traditionally key for introductions to
potential spouses. Add to that the desire for
certain visa status and — as in the Indian
community — caste, and the pursuit grows
even more difficult. So some turn to a
matchmaker, a role that has weathered
centuries.
Browsing for a bride
It’s happening locally. Kshama Kakade of
Carrollton and her husband launched a
national matchmaking publication for the
Indian community in 1996. Called Vivah Mela,
the magazine contains anonymous ads with
basic profiles. Each party must contact
Kakade to learn more about a person profiled.
The top criterion that clients of Vivah Mela are
seeking to match is caste, said Kakade. “That
is a very different phenomenon in America,”
Kakade said. Then there is age. height,
education and visa status. Almost all the
clients, whether U.S. citizens or visa holders,
would like to find someone who is a citizen,
she said.
Jan Koplon, owner of a Jewish matching
service in Atlanta called National/International
Singles, started matchmaking years ago after
establishing an Atlanta branch of a Jewish
singles group that hosted parties, sometimes
packed with up to 200 guests.
“Jewish women were telling me they had a
good time and met lots of men, but weren’t
getting asked out on dates,” said Koplon, who
now charges $500 for providing singles with
three introductions based on her 1 1/2-hour
interviews. She said clients value their privacy
and are willing to pay for the discretion of a
matchmaker.
Sherry Maziar, who operated an Atlanta
Jewish matchmaking service with partner Rae
Goodman for 11 years until the late 1990s,
said it was their personalized service and
judgment that brought about more than 50
marriages, as well as the development of
friendships with clients.
“We absolutely went on instinct. We became
friends with them and were involved in the
romance along the way.”
Even some who are not professionals gain
satisfaction from playing informal matchmaker.
Atlantan Randi Strumlauf sometimes makes intro-
ductions with friends and acquaintances in her
synagogue and community. It was Strumlauf who
helped link the Sabags.
“Like many other folks in my community, I try
to keep Jewish people married to Jewish people,
” Strumlauf said. “It’s a survival thing. I’m
proud I have introduced two couples who ended
up and remain married.”
Discretion assured
In Atlanta’s Indian community, estimated at about
50,000, families and communities also work to pair
up singles.
Narsi Narasimhan, founder of the Atlanta Indian
Professionals Network, estimates that 80 percent
or more of marriages today in India are arranged.
In the United States, that number drops to about 40
percent. But even if not arranged, many singles
here look for someone who understands their heritage,
traditions, language and culture.
Professionals such as Kakade can help. Kakade said
singles appreciate her judgment from interviews with
members, and — for clients in Atlanta — she
sometimes meets with families as well.
Kakade has a Web site, but it is used only for the
completion of applications.
She decides which people have similar backgrounds
and interests and then presents them to one another.
“My clients don’t want to see their information on
the Internet so everyone can see it, so we do not
have browsing ability. They complete the application,
and I get it.”
Often people seeking ethnic matches are more focused
and serious-minded about marriage, said Kakade,
and the people who use her service generally make a
decision early about whether or not to continue
the relationship.
“In the U.S., ‘dating’ means you might go on and on
and on, and after five years decide they are not a
good match. And of course after five years, you
will find some personality flaws, but that is the
expectation in our culture, with each party accepting
that marriage means sacrifice.”
Koplon client Joyce Efron says marriage definitely
involves sacrifice, but is ultimately worth it.
“The introduction to such a mensch has enabled me
to have a wonderful marriage and live a very happy
and fulfilled life.”
